Or what about pictures??? Have you ever had to tilt your head sideways because you were attempting to make out what image you were looking at? It was so blurry that you didn't know if you were staring at a thumb or Big Foot :o)
Earlier I was looking through some pictures and I thought, "Man! If only this picture came out better! It's so blurry!"
Some things are certain: smudged mirrors don't show clear reflections and blurry images don't provide accurate portrayals.
Because I have embraced my role as a saint, I have really given serious scrutiny regarding the image I'm portraying. I'm supposed to be the salt and light of the world, right? My actions are supposed to glorify Him, right?
Okay, let me stop and provide some intimate details about myself: I'm a perfectionist. Yup, that's right- I said it. Hi, nice to meet you, I'm a perfectionist. And as a perfectionist, I challenged myself to do the best and be the best. When I succeeded, I felt great. When I didn't make the bar- you guessed it, I was my own worse critic. Well fortunately I started to work on my relationship with God and recognize that while I'm not perfect, in Christ I'm made whole and complete.
Now as a saint, you would think that I immediately stopped beating myself up and accepted that I was good enough because I had Christ. As a saint, you would think that I could now lay off the pressure just a wee bit because I now have a solid and consistent foundation in Christ. Right???
Wrong! Ha!
Let's just say that I'm a reforming perfectionist and I'm slowly, but surely, letting go and letting God. W.I.P. (work in progress) as I like to call it and yes I am making progress!
So being the reforming perfectionist I am, you can see how seriously I took my salting job, huh? Lol! Oh, I wanted to salt the whole world! Part of my reason for publicly documenting my journey was that I wanted people, who were just like me, to see my up's and downs, my high's and my struggles, and want to seek a closer to relationship to God too. That somehow, people could feel my joy and elation over the web and become thirsty for that intimacy with our Heavenly Father.
Can I share another intimate detail about myself? Even as a perfectionist I bomb in the tact department. For some reason for as long as I could remember, I could never keep my mouth shut at the right times! I would blurt things out before thinking about them. And I'll admit that it's still a W.I.P. Just this very week I found myself reacquainting my foot to my mouth!
So after yet another "Doh" moment, I wondered if I was actually doing a good job at seasoning. I questioned if I was truly in a position to be an example for others. I questioned if people would say that they saw Christ whenever they looked in me.... I began to wonder if my own mirror was smudged.
Can I share one last intimate detail about myself?
My mirror is smudged. While I pray over and over for God to use me to glorify Him, I find that I still struggle with my smudged mirror. Oh, I begin to doubt if I'm clear enough. If I'm clean enough that people can look through my reflection and see God.
So what does the perfectionist in me do? Well, that perfectionist attempts to clean that smudged mirror herself. Using my sleeve, I attempt to polish that reflection until it's spot less and it glistens.
Have you ever tried to clean a dirty mirror with a dirty sleeve? Not really effective, huh?
Although it seems almost instinctual to go into damage control- after I make a mistake or say something silly, I immediately attempt to correct the situation myself. But I find that not only do I goof up the situation more (ie my mirror becomes even more smudged), but I also find myself retracing my steps to seek God and ask for His help, His forgiveness- oh, and His wonderful glass cleaner....
The fortunate thing I can say is that God is so amazing that He and only He can turn messes into blessings. Only God can correct the mistakes I've made and also deter me from future mistakes. But I have to allow Him to do so...
I realized that my need for clear perfectionism, my need to be certain at all times I am spot-less and accurately reflecting Him only led to me blurring the lenses. You're probably thinking, "Well shouldn't you seek to be spot-less, or sin less? Shouldn't you seek to accurately reflect Him and His love?"
Well, yes.
The difference was that my focus was off. Instead of focusing on Him, I focused on my need to be clear. I focus on my own actions and thus, I began to doubt myself. Instead of simply praying that God would use me, and then focus on Him (believing that He heard me and would answer my prayer), I shifted my focus back to myself- scrutinizing my every step and word. The consequence: blurry images.
I realize that it's only when I step back, when I trust that God can take my words and actions-yes even the times when I goof up- that He can turn them into miracles that all glorify Him. Only God can clear my smudged mirror so that He shines through....reflects through. And what glass cleaner does He use? Jesus Christ!
Praise Him!
So two sets of scriptures I want to leave on that help to color my perspective. The first set is to show what a wonderful and perfect glass cleaner (ie Savior) we have in Jesus. The second set is to show that your mirror will continue to need cleaning (ie W.I.P.)
"Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:"
~Ephesians 2: 5-8
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:"
~Philippians 1:6
Be blessed saints! :o)
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