With this being said, I slowly found myself going into this doubt phase. First, it was doubting that He would answer my prayers, but then it was me doubting if I should accept His answers. I know you're thinking "Why would you doubt a blessing from God??? It's from GOD?!" Well, let me tell you it's easier said than done.
"Ask and you shall receive..." "Knock and the door will be answered...." or something along those lines. Now the BIG questions I had to challenge myself with:
1. Will I take it?
and
2. Will I walk through the open door?
Doubt is such a powerful thing. Even when you are blessed the devil will STILL try and intercept that blessing by placing DOUBT in your mind. I had to land on this difficult practice: DON'T LISTEN TO IT!
I know God answers prayers so why do I doubt HIM when I receive HIS blessing? Well, first I begin to ask "Is it what I want?" then "Should I do it?" and shortly following with "Is it really from Him?" I mean, it seems at every corner I turn, I find this detour called "Doubt" that tries to steer me from embracing my blessings. The last question has been the biggest hurdle to cross, I'll admit. Because I'm really trying to quiet my flesh so that I can hear Him, I find myself doubting that I'm actually receiving a blessing and rather just giving into the desires of my flesh once again. This barrier has challenged me to continue to seek Him and Rest in Christ. How have I been doing this? Reading the Bible. I have always had a very basic, Black/White thought process. Either it is or it isn't. Either it's right or it's wrong. Either I go left or go right. Simplicity at its best. Well, I'm now following this same thought process when it comes to discernment. Either it's in the Bible or it's not. The Bible is God's book for us. It's His messages written through saints who were just like you and me. Some messages are more obvious than others, some more literal than figurative, however it's all there and through prayer and meditation, it's all comprehensible- It all makes sense. I've stop trying to second guess what I think scriptures are trying to say....meaning I've stop attempting to justify my wrong-doing by pulling out a good ol' scripture to support my cause. God doesn't work like that, I realize. He's pretty straightforward. If I don't understand the scripture, I ask for His wisdom and clarity. I ask for His understanding. And while I may have to reread the scripture 10 times before I get what He's saying, I do, in fact, get the message (oh you inpatient mental clock!).
So I've learned that if it ain't in the Book (Bible), then it's not coming from God. If God hasn't given instructions or directions (again, found in the Bible), then I don't need to pay any further attention to it. So to go back to doubting gifts as blessings from God: I've discerned things I receive by checking to see it has a stamp of approval from God. If it don't smell like "Eau de" God, I don't want it. What does God smell like? What does His stamp of approval look like? I don't know, I'm still learning. But what I have come across that I think are great starters:
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:7
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8
"And now abideth faith, hope, charity***, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." 1 Corinthians 13:13 (*** different versions of the Bible state love in place of charity. I use the King James version and the footnote mentioned this version has provided an inaccurate and misleading translation of this particular scripture. Greek text used the word "agape" which can also mean "love". I do use the term "love" instead of "charity.")
Basically, focus on God. Placing your trust in Him, you will find you will not be led astray because you are being guided by Him. Secondly, figuring out who God is. Now this is a big one, and I think even an impossible task because He is the great "I Am." Words cannot describe Him. What I've done so far is use analogies or comparisons to what I feel He has done for me and who/what he has been to me. He has been loving, so His blessings will reflect that concept. He has been merciful and forgiving, so His blessing will also reflect that. He has been my rock of peace, again His blessing will reflect that. So when I look at an answer I received after I prayed about something, I seek to determine if those concepts are found within the answer: Does this answer promote love? Does this answer promote mercy and forgiveness? Does this answer promote humility and self-less action? Does this answer glorify His name? Finally, does this answer give me peace? One thing I've recognized is that I always feel at peace when I'm actively pursuing my relationship with God. There's another saying along the lines that I may not rejoice in whatever situation I'm in, but in whatever situation I'm in I can rejoice in God. That holds true to the peace He gives me. Despite what I'm going through, He will always provide me peace. And no it's not that elevator-music/spa-day/cool jazz playing/aromatherapy candles type of relaxation. For me, it's been that "My world is upside down, the wind is blowing fervently, the turbulent waves are crashes all around me, HOWEVER I'm standing still. I'm planted on firm ground. I cannot be moved nor be swayed. There is calmness inside of ME....the essence inside of me is calm, at peace. And that is simply because His Holy Spirit is within me. Does this make sense?
So with that being said, if you truly sense He has answered your prayers and it's a blessing, well..... DON'T LOOK SIDEWAYS AT YOUR BLESSING- CLAIM IT!!!! God is good. He wouldn't do anything to hurt us. And while I do feel that whole "be careful what you ask for" is true, I do know God would not grant us something that would harm us or go against His spirit within us. If anything, if God answers a request and the outcome is not favorable in our eyes (again our eyes, not necessarily His), there was a lesson He wanted us to learn through that blessing. And yes I say blessing because anything He gives is a blessing for the simple fact that blessings always turn into growth, progression, and forward-movement! I realized that He may not give me what I want every time; He will give me what I need EVERY time. He is consistent. And honestly, I love His outcome over my own. I love when God "meddles;" He does a FAR better job than I do when I try and insert my own independence. I find myself at peace and happier whenever I let Him take control. I always love His results. Mine? Eh.... it's a hit or miss and even when I like what I did it's never to the fullest, real satisfaction I get when He works.
So my conclusion: I know God has my best interest. He loves me more than I love myself. He knows me better than I know myself. So why question HIM when he answers my prayers. Why question myself when HE answers my prayers? Am I not worthy of His blessings? Well, despite my flaws and imperfection He seems to think so and there's no DOUBT about it!
